A Grey Christmas
by ilovenascar
Summary: Meredith's first family christmas doesn't turn out as planned. DerMer, Alexi, Gizzie friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Fic Title: A Grey Christmas

Author: ILoveNascar

Fandom: Grey's Anatomy

Pairing: DerMer, Alexi, Gizzie friendship

Date: December 1, 2007

Feedback: Yes, please

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be true. I own none of the characters.

Summary: Meredith's first family Christmas

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**CHAPTER 1 **

Derek Shepherd was glad to get out of Seattle for awhile, if only to escape the drama and chaos in his life. Although he had been separated last year, it was the first Christmas to truly be divorced and he was more than glad to have his best friend at his side. Still, some part of his heart, the part he tried very hard to ignore, missed Meredith, wished he had her with him instead of Mark. 

"Hey." Mark tossed a pillow at him, letting it hit his face. "Thought you were taking a break from her."

Derek glared up, more annoyed at his friend being able to read his mind than at being hit with the pillow. "I am," he lied.

"Liar. Look, what you do in Seattle is your business, if you want to sulk, follow her around like a puppy dog, and ignore all the hot…girls that come your way, fine. But we're back in New York now. What happens in New York, stays in New York. So let's go get laid."

Derek rolled his eyes, but did smile. "First of all, we're staying at my parents', so 'getting laid'…not an option. Unless you know some hotels that…never mind, you probably do." Mark grinned proudly. "Second, that's Vegas, not New York."

"Vegas…Now there's a trip. Maybe New Year's…" Derek tuned his friend out, replaying images in his head while still managing to seem interested, a technique he'd learned long ago.

George O'Malley found Meredith Grey as soon as she got off the elevator. "What's wrong?" Meredith asked, her blue eyes trained on her friend.

"Lexie got sick during rounds. I mean, really sick. Dizzy, vomiting…I talked Izzie into running some blood tests." Although he had interned in the same year as his two best friends, he'd failed his exams and now was repeating them with Meredith's little sister.

Meredith's face turned instantly concerned. "Did you find Alex?"

George shook his head. "She wouldn't let me." He'd been surprised when she'd asked for Meredith, given their animosity for the past month.

Meredith had sensed that something was amiss. Lexie had backed off completely, from both her and Alex, after Thatcher had turned up in the ER, drunk. "Where?"

She walked quickly, George barely keeping up, until she saw Lexie sitting in a chair in the clinic, Isobel Stevens sitting beside her, trying to keep her entertained. "Meredith," Izzie saw them approaching first, standing, letting Meredith take the chair.

"Hey." Meredith put a hand to her sister's forehead. "You don't feel hot." She turned to look at Izzie. "Fever?"

"No." Izzie shook her head for emphasis. "Look, I've got to run these to the lab and then I'm assisting on a surgery…"

Meredith nodded, knowing what her friend was trying to say. "Thanks, Iz." She barely paid enough attention to them to know that Izzie and George were leaving, focusing on Lexie. "What happened? George said you got dizzy and sick?"

Lexie nodded, noting to herself that Meredith was acting maternal, almost the way that her own mother had acted when she or Molly had gotten sick as kids. "I've been getting dizzy for awhile, but sick for about a week…I'm just so tired all of the time."

"You've been putting in long hours. You don't even realize how tired you can get until you go home," Meredith answered, having been in the same situation herself. "You've been upset for awhile, since Dad came into the ER. I thought you were angry with me."

Lexie took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "No. I don't know. Maybe I was." She paused. "I didn't grow up in a fairyland. Since Mom died…he's been drinking more and more. His mood changes, he's uncontrollable. When you told me what to do, to watch him, to take care of him…I lost it. That's all I ever do anymore. Watch him, take care of him, and work."

"Is that why you and Alex broke up?" Meredith asked, really listening, not just feigning interest as she had before.

Lexie shook her head. "No. I don't want to talk about that." She still remembered all too vividly discovering what a fool she'd been.

"What about Christmas? What do you do for Christmas?" Meredith asked, understanding. She didn't like to talk about Derek much these days either; it hurt too badly.

"This year?" She didn't even have to think about it. "Probably nothing. He hasn't been too big on holidays since Mom died."

Meredith didn't have to think either, just spoke. "You'll spend it with us." Lexie looked at her. "Izzie likes to cook a lot of food, we have presents, not exactly the Brady Bunch, but we like it."

Lexie paused, weighing the idea of spending the day with Alex against spending Christmas with her sister. "I'll be there."

Alex Karev crossed his arms, as if to protect himself from what he had to do, what he had to say. It had been a month since Rebecca Pope had reappeared in his life, a month of hiding out, of sneaking around, a month to learn what he should have known all along.

Rebecca sneaked up behind him, wrapping her arms around him, kissing his neck, then coming around to face him, seeing that look on his face. "What? What is it?"

"We can't do this anymore." He never thought he'd say those words to her and tried to close his mind to what he was doing.

She looked at him in shock. "What?" She asked, not sure she heard him right.

"You're not Ava. Ava's this girl I made up in my head, one that I created, that belongs to me. You belong to your husband. If the marriage isn't working, that's between you and him, but you're Rebecca. You're not Ava. I can't make you into something you're not." He knew that he was not only pretending that she was someone she wasn't, but that he was as well. He was guilty over sleeping with another man's wife, taking her away from her family, and for once understood what Meredith had gone through a few years back.

It was obvious to see that she was upset, madder than anything else. "Which girl is it? The two you live with or the one from surgery that day?"

He couldn't answer, didn't know how to answer, and finally he just said, "It's Christmas Eve. Go home. Be with your daughter." He turned around and walked away.

George returned as Meredith was still sitting with Lexie. "Izzie got caught up in surgery, but I have the test results."

Meredith took the folder from him, opening it, reading to herself, a look crossing her face that neither one could interpret. "Mer?" George finally asked.

Meredith looked at her sister. "You're pregnant."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2**

Meredith sat on the counter, staring at the phone, but trying not to let it be too noticeable. George had already gone to sleep on the couch and Alex had never made it home, so it was just her and Izzie in the kitchen. "Can you hand me the…?" Izzie started and then paused, realizing that Meredith wasn't paying attention. "Oh, why don't you just suck it up and call?"

"Hmm?" Meredith asked, catching the tone of her friend's voice if not the words.

"Call Derek." Her voice had lost the harshness it would have had earlier in the year.

"Izzie, I can't call him." She realized the simple act of dialing would be the easy part.

"Why not?" She turned to face her friend. "Look, I'm sorry I've been, well, a bitch about some stuff this year." She looked at George asleep on the couch and then back at Meredith. "I went through some stuff, just like you and Cristina. But it doesn't mean I haven't been paying attention."

Meredith gave the prerequisite "You weren't a bitch," statement, knowing that what Izzie was saying was true for her as well. While Izzie had gone through her own mini-drama, she and Cristina had been trying to help each other survive their own. "Paying attention to what?"

"You've been staring at the phone like that for a month. Since he went home with his surgical nurse." Everyone at the hospital knew that Derek had took his surgical nurse home one night a month ago and, from that, grew a rumor that they were having a torrid affair, maybe even getting married. Only a handful that had knew Meredith before hadn't changed their attitudes towards her, almost like the wronged wife, no one wanted to approach it. "I don't think it meant anything. After all, he took Sloan home for Christmas, not the girl. Who in their right mind and in a committed relationship wouldn't take the girl?" Or in a noncommitted one, she wanted to add.

"Mark's parents live in New York too," Meredith answered, knowing Derek had taken Mark to his home, not Mark's own, knowing that Mark had felt much more comfortable with the Shepherd clan. "You really think…" 

"He's still as miserable as he was with Addison. If he was actually happy, you'd know it." The last time she could remember Derek actually looking happy was when he was with Meredith and, as she looked at her friend, she realized the last time she remembered Meredith being happy was before Cristina's wedding, with Derek.

"It's probably too late to call New York anyway. They're hours ahead of us. If it's late here, it's almost morning there." It was the last reason she had to put off calling.

"So get some sleep. Call in the morning. Couldn't imagine you giving him a better Christmas present." She watched Meredith's face as she almost agreed and then hesitated. "Oh, please, like you've been that much help tonight anyway," she teased. "Go. I'm almost finished here anyway."

Meredith knew what her friend was saying was true and was grateful for the out, having felt guilty about not doing anything, but knowing Izzie was in her element when she was cooking, preparing for the holidays. "Thanks." She retreated to her room and Izzie smiled. While she and George hadn't been able to work things out together, Izzie was still having her version of a family Christmas with her closest friends. Meredith deserved to have a family Christmas as well, her first ever.

"Derek." Kathleen Shepherd came out to the front porch swing where her brother was sitting in the dark, wrapping a blanket around him. "It's too cold out here. You should be sleeping."

"So should you." He said, his eyes concerned, sharing the blanket with her.

"Mom and the others will be up in a little while. I wanted to get up before the house got too chaotic." It was Shepherd family tradition that all the kids who could come home, did come home, and sleep in their same rooms along with their families so they could have an old-fashioned Christmas morning. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. "I think so." He remembered the early years of his marriage to Addison, when it had been her he'd brought instead of Mark, how she'd fit in with his family. He actually thought it had been harder on his mother and sisters when he divorced than it had been on himself.

Kathleen read his mind. "I'm glad you and Mark are friends again." She knew how he needed a friend at the moment, especially living all the way across country from his family.

"Me too." He smiled at her.

"Have you heard from Addison?" She broached the subject carefully, something no one else had bothered to do.

He nodded. "She called to let me know she'd gotten to LA all right, but nothing much since. I think Mark hears from time to time." His friend's affair with his then wife no longer brought the emotions it once had.

She nodded. "What about Meredith?" He turned to look at her. "What? Nancy has a big mouth. Plus you seem to be missing someone."

He took a long breath and slowly let it out, watching as it made vapor in the cold New York air. "It's complicated."

"I've got a few hours." Like him, she had no family of her own, just the one they were born into, the one that meant everything to both of them.

He smiled. "It won't take quite that long." He paused. "What did Nancy tell you?"

"That she was slutty, but you loved her." She baited him, waiting to see his reaction.

"She's not slutty. She's made some mistakes, but we all have." As he defended her, he remembered saying the same about her, out of pain than anything else. "And I do love her, Kathleen, but…" He paused. "She doesn't always make it easy."

"They never do, Derek. They never do." She'd had her share of failed relationships as well, even a recent divorce, and could commiserate with him. "So why isn't she here instead of Mark? Not that we don't love Mark around here." He felt like another brother to most of the girls.

"Her father left her mother when she was five. He had another family, another wife and two girls, Lexie and Molly. Lexie's a new surgical intern at the hospital with us, which has led to Meredith discovering her father's now an alcoholic. Did I mention that Meredith's stepmother is dead and she's never completely forgiven herself for that?" He looked over at his sister to find her eyes opened wide, not knowing exactly where to start. "Not to mention that she has two best girl friends, Izzie and Cristina. Izzie's fiancée died the night…the night I broke up with Addison. And Cristina's walked out on her on her wedding day. So she's not feeling like we have a chance."

"But you do," Kathleen asked after a long pause.

He nodded. "I can't have a chance with any other woman. I tried with Addy. I loved Addison, she was family, I wanted it to work, but…she wasn't Meredith." Kathleen nodded. "And I tried with this nurse I worked with…I felt too guilty, like I was cheating on Meredith." He looked towards the house. "I want this. I want a loud, noisy family that love each other. But the only way I want it is with Meredith." He paused and then confessed something that had been eating away at him for over a year. "We were fighting…little over a year ago…and she said that she was healed, until I picked Addison over her." Kathleen looked at him. "When Addison stayed here with Mark, not long after I moved to Seattle, was when I met Meredith. I thought that Addison and I were over…and I really loved Meredith. Still do."

They sat in silence for awhile, Kathleen thinking silently before finally speaking. "You said what you want. What does Meredith want?"

"I don't think even she knows the answer to that." He wasn't being mean, simply honest.

"Exactly. Derek, you have your whole future planned, probably even your kids' names picked out, the same as you did with Addison. What if your future and Meredith's future isn't the same? Could you live with part of yours changed? What's the most important part? The marriage, the kids, or Meredith? If it's the marriage or the kids and she can't go that far, then you should do the fair thing for you both and move on to someone who can. But if it's Meredith, you have to accept that she may not change, especially if this is the only thing she knows. If she never changes, can you live with the Meredith that you know right now? Is it really Meredith you love or the idea of the Meredith you want her to be?"

The phone rang insistently in the wee hours, causing Meredith to grab for the receiver in her room and three lights to come on, the one in the living room, one in Izzie's room, and Meredith's lamp by her bed. "Hello?" Meredith asked, still disoriented.

"Meredith."

Meredith sat up in the bed, hearing something in her sister's voice that she had never heard before, pain, like she was hurting. "Lexie? Lexie, what's wrong?"

"It's Dad." Meredith could hear the sounds of broken glass and yelling behind her and put a hand to her own cheek, remembering Susan's death and the imprint of her father's hand on her face.

"I'm coming, Lexie. Hold on, okay? Just try to stay out of his way. Hide somewhere if you have to, go the neighbor's, just…stay out of his way. I'm coming right now." She hung up, pulling on jeans and a sweater, slipping shoes on and grabbing a coat, making sure her keys were still in her pocket.

Izzie was standing in the hallway, only half-awake, when Meredith walked out. "What's wrong?" She asked, seeing Meredith leaving. "Did you get paged?"

"Sort of." She paused, not wanting to give away too much information. "Call Alex. Tell him to meet me at Lexie's. He'll know the address."

George appeared in the hallway as well, having heard part of it. "Do you want us to come?"

"No. Just call Alex and go back to sleep. It shouldn't take long." She was hoping that it would go as smoothly as she was saying, but had a feeling that it wouldn't as she hurried out of the house.

Alex Karev had been driving for hours, his mind considering his options, wanting to call Izzie and have her kick his butt into gear, wanting to call Lexie and ask for forgiveness, something he'd only ever done with one woman before. He didn't know why he ruined every good relationship he'd ever had by cheating, but figured it didn't matter the reasoning, just that he did and it could never seem to be put right again. He realized what a fool he'd been, chasing after a ghost, a figment of his imagination, a woman that had never really existed. Ava had been gone from the moment Rebecca had realized who she was; he was just another way to escape from her life, the life she'd been planning on throwing away anyway when he met her. He'd taken risks, both personally and professionally, ended up coming close to ruining his career and had thrown away his relationship with Lexie just when it became promising. They'd fought, didn't mean she wouldn't have forgiven him. All his years of friendship with her sister should have taught him that; they acted just alike sometimes. He thought of calling Meredith, figuring she'd still be upset about Derek and be up, but also knew how hard it was to convince her to let him have a chance with Lexie to start with. She'd been afraid that her sister, the one she didn't really know and kept claiming she hated, would be hurt by him…she'd been right.

He found himself on Lexie's block, which made him slightly embarrassed, all that driving to end up here, but when he saw Meredith's SUV there, embarrassment flew out of the window, replaced by fear and worry. He remembered Christmas when he was growing up, just another time for his father to get high, only intensified. He could never remember a holiday season with both of his parents where they hadn't fought, where his father hadn't beaten his mother. That, combined with the facts that every light in the Grey household seemed to be on and that he couldn't think of another reason Meredith would be there in the middle of the night, made him stop his car and go up to the front door, hoping he was wrong, actually hoping to be proven a fool, but not wanting to leave and hear that Thatcher had done anything to either of the two girls.

His heart was in his throat when he saw Lexie open the door, seeing the damage on her face. His blood pressure rose and he tried to stay in control, tried to stay calm. "C'mon, Lex, I know you're pissed at me, you have every right, but let me in. C'mon. Open the door." He tried the door, finding it unlocked, not surprising remembering how often his own father had forgotten to close the door, much less lock it. "You okay?"

She shook her head. "Meredith…She couldn't breathe…She was trying to help me…"

"Where is she? Where's Thatcher?" He asked, wanting so badly to hug her, but not knowing the extent of her injuries or even if she'd let him.

"The den." She walked with him, finding Thatcher on the floor, Meredith on the couch.

He paused, seeing the damage on his friend's face and arms, bruises and cuts everywhere visible, except on her neck. "Lexie, I need you to tell me where he hit her."

"He didn't hit her in the chest," she said, knowing what he was thinking. "He slapped her, jerked her around, but…nothing where she couldn't breathe. I don't know what happened…"

He turned to look at Thatcher, who'd obviously gotten his share of injuries too, although nothing like the girls, mostly cuts although there was liquid on the ground beside him. Lexie followed his gaze. "She was fighting back, trying to keep him from hurting us anymore, and she couldn't breathe." She paused. "I grabbed a bottle and swung." She paused again, her breath shaky. "He's not dead, is he?"

Alex felt for a pulse on the man's throat. "Dead drunk. Although the crack to the head probably didn't help much." She nodded. "Go call Seattle Grace, okay? Tell them we need an ambulance." He knew Shepherd would have to be called as well, but was hoping Bailey or the chief would handle that, at the very least Cristina, anyone but him. He followed her gaze back to her sister. "I'll stay with her. Just please call now." His voice was gentle, unlike himself, as he checked for a pulse.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3**

Derek could smell the aroma of coffee and good food being cooked, hear the first crew of girls talking and laughing quietly among themselves. Kathleen had gone inside a few minutes ago, to get ready for the day, and he was alone on the porch as the sun came up on Christmas morning. He had never been able to go back to sleep, too intense on thinking of his sister's words. It was entirely possible that Meredith would never want to get married. Could he be happy, for the rest of their lives, like they were now? One night at his trailer, the other at her house? No marriage vows, no wedding, no rings, no kids, and no security. Just Meredith. The empty space on his land behind the trailers sitting empty, no home to build? Could he love her enough that it wouldn't matter? If the answer was no, could he walk away so that they could both stop the pain, move on with their lives? Was there really such a thing as a perfect fairytale ending? Did anyone ever live happily ever after?

Freezing, he walked inside to get a cup of coffee, his cell phone ringing in the distance. "Derek," Mark called, obviously displeased about getting up so early, bringing his friend his phone so it would stop ringing.

"It's the hospital," he said, looking at the display before answering.

"Derek." The voice of the chief should have been familiar, but it sounded worried, older than his years. "You need to come back to Seattle."

Derek knew instinctively, just from the tone in his friend's voice, that something had gone horribly wrong. He had the same feeling he had almost a year ago when he'd lost Meredith in the midst of the ferry accident. "Is it Meredith?"

Richard Webber nodded, although he knew Derek couldn't see him. "She passed out."

"What?" He was unaware of how white his face became or Kathleen and Mark watching him. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Karev found her. I'm on my way to the hospital, still don't know a lot of details…only her pulse was accelerated and she wasn't waking up." Partly due to his affair with Meredith's mother, Meredith felt like his own child, one of the two closest things he'd ever have.

For the first time, he truly missed Preston Burke's experience as a doctor, realizing just how few people he actually trusted when the patient was Meredith, especially when he was this far away. "Is Cristina coming in?"

"All of them are," he referred to the friends Meredith had interned with, Cristina Yang as well as Izzie, George, and Karev. "So is her sister."

"Don't call Thatcher." If stress was a cause, he knew Meredith's father would only make things worse. "I'll try to get a flight. Will you call when she wakes up?" He refused to accept any other possibility, but couldn't stop thinking about that moment last year when she'd flat-lined and he'd lost her.

"Down to the second," Webber promised, hanging up, wishing he could do more.

Kathleen took the phone from her brother and closed the connection. "Derek."

He ran a hand over his face, struggling not to cry, not here, not now; there was too much to be done. "Meredith passed out."

"What kind of passed out?" Mark asked, more worried about Derek at the moment than he was Meredith.

"He just said that Alex found her, he didn't know a lot of the details, only that her pulse was high and she wasn't waking up." He remembered her seeming tired a lot lately, confused, but he hadn't thought that much about it.

"Derek, I'll call the airport. I'll see if I can get a plane ticket out, okay?" Kathleen offered, finding a place for her brother to sit, never having seen him like that before, not even when he came home after finding Mark and Addison together.

"There's about a billion to one shot of a plane out on Christmas," Mark said. "The waiting list will be longer than the plane ride." He paused, making a huge sacrifice only understood by the Shepherd clan. "I'll pull some strings with some family friends. Maybe one of them will have a jet we can use." He took his coat down from the hook by the door.

"Thanks, Mark," Kathleen said gratefully, before turning her attention to her brother.

* * *

Outside the emergency room doors, Webber was greeted by George, Izzie, Cristina, and Miranda Bailey. "Hahn won't let me help," were the first words spoken, of course, by Cristina.

"I'll talk to her. You'll assist." He understood that Cristina wanting to help was a good thing, as she hadn't been able to do anything the last time Meredith was hurt.

Cristina nodded, running off. "Where's Karev?" Webber asked, fully expecting all four to have been waiting, knowing how rare it was to separate them.

"With Lexie," George answered. "She's still being examined." He felt useless, unable to help his family or friend. All he could do was try to keep an eye on Cristina and Izzie, knowing Meredith would worry about them both.

"Go sit with Meredith. Make sure she's not alone," Webber said, giving them a job to do, not wanting Meredith to wake up and be frightened.

As they left, he turned his attention to Bailey. "Is Shepherd on his way in?"

He nodded. "Yes. Have you seen either of the girls?"

She shook her head. "No." She'd stopped with Cristina, George, and Izzie, still seeing them as 'her interns', as well as Karev and Meredith.

"Bailey...it's Christmas. You have a son. Go home and let him see his mother." She started to argue. "There's nothing you can do. I'll stay with her while she does her tests and, if there's anything you can do, I'll call and let you know." He didn't hesitate in telling her that, knowing that Meredith would have wanted her to do much the same thing. They all remembered the day Tuck was born, the day Meredith had almost been blown up. She had survived that, as well as the ferry accident, so she had to survive whatever this was as well. Had to.

She hesitated, but realized she was fighting a losing battle. The advice, while better said than done, was heartfelt and genuine, something she might have said, given different circumstances. "You do that." She turned and left.

* * *

George allowed Izzie to go alone to see Meredith, taking a detour and going to the clinic. The ER had been chaotic, as it was with most holidays, so Lexie had been taken to the clinic to be patched up. He was surprised when he reentered the small area where she had been taken to find her alone, Alex having disappeared, and had to steel himself against the bruises on her face. He knew that there were abusive people out there, as well as abused, he'd seen his share of them while he was an intern, but it seemed different when it was his friend.

"Is Meredith awake?" Lexie asked, her large brown eyes studied him as he put an ice pack to a bruise, holding it in place.

"I don't think so. Not yet." He had a million and one questions he wanted to ask, but didn't know where to start. "Where'd Alex go?"

She shook her head, causing the ice to slip slightly. "I don't know." She paused. "He took off right after he found out I was pregnant." She realized that the situation wasn't the best, she still wasn't sure how she felt about having a child, especially her first year as an intern, especially alone, but it still shocked and hurt her, him disappearing.

It sounded about right to George, but he didn't say that, asking instead, "Is the baby all right?"

"Yeah." She didn't move her head again. "I just…I just want to see Meredith."

He took the ice bag down, studying her, weighing the outcomes of going against staying, then nodded. "I think we can swing that."

* * *

Hahn had put up no more fight about Cristina being included, in fact, letting her do most of the work. They performed cardioversion to restore the heart to its normal rhythm after putting Meredith on a heart and blood pressure monitor before running a physical exam and blood tests. Despite all the patients Yang had worked on, all the new techniques and surgeries that had been successful, one of the highlights of her medical career would still be when her best friend opened her eyes. "Meredith?"

Meredith had been having the dream about prom night again. Nothing had been simple, but still being with Derek was the safest and happiest she'd ever felt, the only place she ever felt like she truly belonged. "Derek."

Cristina and Izzie exchanged worried looks, their petty fighting gone by the wayside, their concerns fully focused on their mutual friend. It was Lexie who spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper, but knowing that someone had to say something. "He went to New York, Meredith, for Christmas. He's coming home though. He'll be here."

Meredith looked around, absorbing her surroundings, seeing George there between Lexie and Izzie, Cristina on the other side with the chief behind her. She felt weak and dizzy, tired, like she could sleep for a thousand years and still be tired. She nodded her response to Lexie's answer before falling back to sleep. The fight about their father long since forgotten, Lexie brushed some of the hair out of her sister's battered face.

Cristina, Izzie, and the chief all stepped out into the hall, Webber not able to look at the damage to the Grey girls' faces, knowing what had happened and having to remind himself that he was the chief of surgery, therefore not able to go after Thatcher as he would have liked. "I don't like it," Cristina said, fully in charge, thriving on making the right decisions, especially here. "The weakness, the fatigue, the confusion, fainting…"

Webber nodded. "Combined with the raised heartbeat, it doesn't seem good. You ran a physical on her?"

She nodded, brushing some of the black hair out of her face, lab coat over her dress. She considered herself Jewish, therefore didn't go home for Christmas, but didn't celebrate Chanukah either, choosing instead to go home for a combined holiday party once a season. Still, when she'd heard the news, she'd come back, no questions asked, anything for her best friend. "We need to run an EKG, chest x-ray, tilt table, CT, few other tests…"

Izzie stopped her. "Wait. Do you realize what you're saying?" She paused. "You're saying that Meredith…that she's got something wrong with her heart?"

"No," Cristina seethed, obviously not happy about being interrupted. "What I'm saying is that she may have something wrong with her heart and, as her best friend, if she does, I'd prefer that she be informed, be more in control of it, so that this never happens again. And if she doesn't, if it's a one-time thing from the stress or whatever, then she knows it and maybe she can take some time off, take better care of herself. She's gone through hell."

The hallway grew silent, George excusing himself to go get a Sprite for Lexie, no one saying anything until the chief finally spoke up. "I want to be with her during the tests." It was the least he could do, for Meredith, for Derek, and for Ellis.

Cristina nodded. "Yes, sir." Izzie turned and looked at her friend lying in the hospital bed, pale, the heart monitor reminding her far too much of something that was still far too painful. Tears in her eyes, she turned around and walked away.

"Sir?" Webber turned his attention from Meredith and Lexie back to Cristina. "I knew something was wrong." She paused. "She wasn't sleeping. I just…I just thought it was because of everything she's been through, Derek and her family…I didn't listen. I tried to psychoanalyze her. I should have told somebody."

"Those panic attacks…" He started. "Those panic attacks she was having might not have been panic attacks." He paused, admitting what he'd seen. "Discomfort, aching, pounding in chest and shoulders relieved with rest. Difficulty breathing during regular activities. If it was anyone else, I would have insisted they have an EKG, a chest x-ray, something. I didn't." He felt like he'd let both Meredith and Ellis down.

She looked at him, partially glad that she hadn't been the only one to make what could have been the biggest mistake of her friend's life. Like him, like Izzie, she hadn't wanted to see what was right in front of her, had chalked it up to one of the million other things it could have been. "Is Derek really coming back?"

He nodded, wanting Adele there, considering calling her, but not knowing how she would react. "Yes. Yes, as soon as he can."

"I'll start running the tests," she said quietly, missing Burke, not for the first time, but this time for a purely unselfish reason.

* * *

Alex returned to 'the scene of the crime' as he put it, the Grey family house. Like the Chief, he would have liked nothing better than to attack Thatcher, beat him like he'd beaten his daughters, but had learned the hard way from his own father that it would only make it worse. There was only one thing he could do for Lexie, for his child, and, by extension, for Meredith, and nothing was going to detour him from what he'd set out to do.

Finding Lexie's room was the easy part; finding a box big enough to hold everything she would need wasn't as simple. He'd had the foresight to borrow one of Meredith's suitcases from the house for the clothes so he used some of Lexie's suitcases for her things. He realized he couldn't get them all, but wanted to get enough so that she didn't feel pressure to return when Thatcher was there, not wanting a repeat performance. She could move in with him, for awhile, into their already overcrowded house, until she decided she wanted to leave, but he knew one thing for certain, Thatcher would never get the chance to hit her again.

"What the hell are you doing?" He heard angry tone, obviously still drunk, but didn't turn, knowing that if he allowed himself to be provoked, he could get them all in real trouble. "I asked what the hell you were doing with my daughter's things."

Alex turned, counting silently in his brain, to face Thatcher, his stance aggressive to the point that there was no mistaking his feelings towards the older man. "You can stay here and drink yourself to death for all I care, after what you did to your daughters." He paused. "But they're my friends." The closest things to a family he had anymore, along with Izzie. "And if you ever so much as think about hitting them again, I'll come back and beat the crap out of you." He wanted to tell him not to even contact the girls, but knew that wouldn't go over well with Lexie, although it probably would with Meredith and Derek.

"Is that a threat?" Thatcher was so drunk that, as old as he was, he actually thought he had a shot at taking Karev.

"No, _sir_, it's a promise." He finally finished packing Lexie's things and picked up as many of them as he could, boxes blocking his view, unable to figure out for a few seconds why he landed flat on his back.

He made the connection fairly quickly, jumped up, and, in less than a minute, had Thatcher pinned by the neck against the wall. He backed off just a moment, thinking, and then let the old man loose. "Go sleep it off."

Thatcher made no further arguments, wiping blood away from his nose, walking away, having sobered up fairly quickly when he realized what had happened. Alex continued packing up Lexie's stuff again that had fallen out of the boxes, moving them all out to the SUV.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4**

Derek didn't ask where Mark had gotten the plane. The truth was that he didn't really care. The past three hours seemed like three years and he knew they were only halfway back to Seattle. Mark sat on the couch with Kathleen, whispering to each other about something, probably him. He was glad that his sister had come with him, feeling slightly better by her being there. He dialed the number for the hospital, being patched through to Meredith's room, hoping he was right. 

Lexie was, in fact, still in her sister's room, watching the television on the wall, It's A Wonderful Life. What would life these past few months have been without her sister? Even when they were fighting, Meredith was a part of her life, one that she loved. She had taught her about being a surgeon, had been the reason she met Alex, Cristina, and George, and if her sister hadn't been there earlier that night, she wondered if her father really would have killed her. Meredith was her family; she didn't want to lose her.

A nurse came by to tell her they were patching a phone call through to Meredith's room and she picked up, feeling relieved when she heard Derek's voice. "Hey, Lexie."

Since they'd gotten over the initial awkwardness of the way they'd met, Derek had become like a big brother, sometimes closer to him than to Meredith, and a good friend, someone they could both talk to when things were bad. "Derek." She took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "I keep telling Meredith you're on your way."

He nodded, knowing she couldn't see him. "Yeah. About three more hours. Is she awake?"

"Off and on. They're running some tests they want her to be awake for, but she's tired." Lexie's voice sounded tired as well, having been up all night and all day before.

"What kind of tests? Lexie, what happened?" His voice was quiet, worried and frightened, like she was.

She gave him a recap, including Thatcher's actions, and he sat there in shock. He'd known Thatcher was drinking, but not that he was dangerous to Meredith or Lexie. He thought about all the damage the man had already done…and now this. "What kind of tests?" He asked again.

"They're checking her heart. Dr. Hahn and Cristina." She paused, taking a breath.

"Lexie, are you okay? You're not alone, right?" He was hoping that Richard had stayed with her and Meredith.

"The chief's in and out. He sent Bailey back home. Izzie's disappeared, George went to find her, and Alex…" Alex appeared in the doorway, as if on cue, his hand still with blood on it. "Alex is here."

"Okay. I'll land in three hours and I'll come right there. Tell her that. And tell her that…tell her I love her, okay?" His voice broke at the last.

"I will." She realized how bad the waiting was on her, but knew it had to be awful on him to be so helpless, so far away. "Be careful." They said their goodbyes and she hung up.

"Shepherd?" Alex asked, sitting beside her.

She nodded. "He's scared, but on his way back. Alex…"

He shook his head, his eyes searching hers. "Shut up and listen or I won't get through this." She nodded, growing quiet, her eyes focusing on his. "I'm sorry. I was an idiot. I never meant to hurt you. The truth is…these things never end up well for me. I like you. I didn't want to lose you." He paused, taking a breath, letting it out, his eyes never leaving hers. "I'm asking for your forgiveness. I don't know what's going to happen next, but I know that I want to be with you, to be with the baby."

Her eyes widened, surprised that he wanted anything to do with the child after the way he'd left. "What about a date? A real, honest-to-goodness date? Then we can see where it goes."

He smiled, stroking her cheek with his thumb, his hand cupping her face. "Well, kiss her already," Meredith said, her eyes barely open.

"Did we wake you?" Lexie asked quietly, Alex going to stand behind her, his hands on her shoulders.

She shook her head. "No. More tests?"

Lexie nodded. "In a little while. Derek called. He's coming home. Three more hours…he'll be here."

"Go outside." She closed her eyes and then opened them again. "Let me talk to Alex." Lexie hesitated, but Alex nodded and she went out to the hall. "Where's Izzie?"

"I don't know. I'll check on her." He was thinking the same thing she was and was worried about their friend.

"Stay with Lexie." He nodded. "The baby. Is the baby okay?"

"She's fine, Meredith." He paused before telling her the next. "I want her to move into the house with us. We'll figure out where to put everyone, but…I don't want her to be alone and I don't want her living with Thatcher anymore."

Meredith didn't even have to think about it. "I already knew that." She'd already planned on asking her sister to move, but, like Alex, didn't know where they'd put everyone. "But that's between you and Lexie, okay? And watch over her."

"I will, Meredith. I will. I promise." He looked at the chief as he entered the room. "I'll go check on her, keep you updated on Izzie." She nodded and he walked out as well.

Izzie stood in the kitchen, mixing batter for sugar cookies. She already had more food than would feed an army, but cooking was a distraction for her, when things were going wrong. She remembered all the muffins she'd made after Denny's death, so many that they had to freeze them and still had some left. She wondered what she'd be doing if he'd lived, if they'd be married, have children. She still remembered his smile, contagious, and his laugh, cheering her more than she could ever have cheered him. Now it was Meredith. She knew that her friend's heart wasn't as bad as Denny's had been, but it still was too close to home.

"Izzie." She didn't hear George calling her the first time, until he put his hand on top of hers. "It's okay. Meredith's going to be okay."

"The hospital called?" Izzie asked, looking at her best friend hopefully.

"About an hour ago. She has an arrhythmia that they think can be controlled by medications. They're doing one more test to see." He paused. "But she won't be coming home today."

"She'll miss Christmas."

He nodded, talking softly, but not patronizingly. "Unless we take it to her."

She nodded, knowing what he was doing, giving her something to do to help while also making Meredith's Christmas just a little bit better. "Unless we take it to her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Thatcher's abuse of his daughters did not sink in until Derek saw firsthand the damage done to Lexie's face, the imprint of a hand on her arm. He stood in the doorway, watching her help Meredith's friends decorate the hospital room as well as they could for Christmas, making it look bright and cheery instead of drab and lonely, a fact he greatly appreciated and knew Meredith would as well. Lexie came out for coffee cups to put cocoa in when she saw Derek, hugging him instinctively and then backing away, rethinking whether or not she should have done that. She indicated the room.

"It was George's idea, distract Izzie and cheer up Meredith...Everyone kinda got in on it from there. Even the chief."

"It looks great, Lex. She'll love it." He paused. "Did they finish the tests?"

She nodded, a little more seriously. "She's got an arrhythmia, but it can be controlled by medication. They think it was all the stress..."

"Stress and drama. No trouble staying away from those around here." He paused. "I'm glad you're okay."

She nodded, knowing he meant it. Despite how they had met, Derek had become like a big brother to her, closer at times than to Meredith. "Thank you."

Meredith was just waking up when he walked into the room, her eyes seeing all the decorations at first, hearing her friend's voices and Christmas music in the background, then focusing on one person in particular. "You're home."

He focused on her instead of everyone else around him, seeing her for the first time in what seemed like ages. "I'm home." He saw bruises on Meredith's face and hurt for her, knowing what her father had already put her through. "Merry Christmas."

"Derek, I…" One of the friends coughed, a winter cold coming on, and the couple was brought back to the room, realizing they were not alone.

He nodded, wanting to say so much to her, but not in front of the others. "We'll talk later."

She nodded. "Count on it." She moved so that he could sit beside her, looking around the room again. "Who did all this?"

"Santa Claus," George and Izzie said together, causing Cristina to roll her eyes.

"Well, tell him it looks great." She realized that, although she'd had Christmases before, she'd never really had one with her family. Although only one person in the room had been born to one of the same parents as she had, they were all family, the only real family she'd ever known. Who else would decorate a hospital room with wreaths, holly, and a small tree, transport presents, and bake a gross of cookies, gingerbread hospital, and homemade cocoa? "Thank you…so much."

After cookies, cocoa, presents, a Christmas movie on tv, and Christmas games, most of which Meredith and Derek just watched, neither wanting to leave the other's side, several hours had passed and it was time to go home.

The chief was, of course, the first to go, hugging Meredith gently, wanting so much to say what he was thinking, but not able to get the words out. Cristina was next, also with a hug, daring anyone to say anything about her being vulnerable at the moment.

"Thanks, Cristina." Meredith whispered. The only reason she hadn't been more frightened was that she trusted her friend…with her life.

"I'll watch out for Lexie until you feel better," she whispered back, having taken a liking to Meredith's sister through all this mess.

Next came Lexie and Alex, holding hands, breaking their hold on each other just long enough for Lexie to hug Meredith, not knowing what to say. One second, one night, had made friends out of professed enemies, had made a start on a real family for both girls, one of the very few things good that had come out of their situation, a Christmas miracle of sorts. Meredith shot Alex a look, knowing he too would watch over Lexie, but also one that he read loud and clear, warning him not to hurt her again. Second chances were hard to come by, something Meredith knew all too well.

Last but not least, as Derek went to call Mark and Kathleen, came George and Izzie. "You okay?" She wasn't an idiot, knew what this scare had probably done to Izzie, given the fact that it didn't feel that long ago that they were in another hospital room with Denny after Izzie had cut his LVAD wire.

"I will be. So will you." She paused. "I'm going to leave some of the cookies and cocoa in case you two get hungry." She knew that Derek would be staying with Meredith until someone kicked him out.

"Thanks, Iz." She paused. "And thank you both for the party." She knew her friends well enough to know that it had to have been one of their ideas, probably George's. "It was a great Christmas."

Izzie carefully put something green in Meredith's hand. "I don't figure you'll need it but…"

"Mistletoe." Meredith laughed. "Just what I wanted. Thank you."

George rolled his eyes, but Izzie smiled. "Have fun." The two walked out just as Derek was coming back in.

"All settled." He paused. "Kathleen came home with me, to make sure I was okay. She and Mark dropped me off here. I wanted to let her know I wasn't coming home."

"Your sister." He nodded. "I'd like to meet her."

"You will," he promised. "Soon. Before she goes back to New York." He paused, only for a moment, and then said, "God, Meredith, I thought…I thought I'd lost you for good this time. Forever." He kissed her forehead, holding her close enough to hear her heart beat with his, but being careful with her, like she was an exquisite China doll, something very precious and breakable. 

"Derek…" He thought she was going to back off, but she was past that point. "When I said I was scared that night…I wasn't scared in the way you were thinking. I wasn't scared because you might leave, like Burke or my dad. I was scared…What if something happens? It happens all the time around here. Denny and Izzie, that day with the paramedics, me falling into the water, being too close to the bomb, whatever…What if something happens and I lose you?"

He didn't know what to say. It wasn't anything he could do to alleviate her fears, knowing it was as out of control as her being hurt or sick. "Do you remember what I told you once, about faith?" He waited until she nodded. "We just have to have faith that everything will work out. It has to." He paused. "Don't get me wrong. I still want the kids, marriage, and everything you don't like to talk about, but, to me, the most important thing in my life, the best thing most of the time, is always going to be you. Always."

She looked at him, trying to process the information. "What are you saying?"

"I am saying that if you decide you never want to get married, if you never want to have kids, then I love you enough to let you make that decision. I just need to be with you."

She took a breath and slowly let it out, her bright eyes never leaving his darker ones. "You're saying that if I decide that this is it, right now, this is it, that you'll be okay? No more Roses, no more Addisons, this is it. Right now, this is it."

He nodded, having sampled life without her, knowing it wasn't worth it. "This is it until or unless you tell me otherwise."

She thought for a moment. "Until." Now that she knew there wasn't a pressure to get married and have children right away, she was more open to really think about it, weigh her options.

He looked at the green plant lying next to her. "Oh…mistletoe." She started laughing as he held it above their heads, kissing her.

A few moments later, sooner than either of them really wanted, she was exhausted again, this time being able to curl up into his arms, his head on top of her own. "Derek…"

"Hmm?" He asked, a little tired himself, having not slept much the night before or many nights lately.

"We could live together…if you wanted. I'd like that." She remembered a twinge of jealousy when Cristina and Burke had lived together, wanting that closeness, or at least the opportunity for it, since he had still been with Addison at the time.

He smiled, burying his head into her hair. "We could live at the trailer…until our house is ready." He'd always fantasized that they'd build the long-awaited house on his land together, for both of them to live on, which was one of the reasons it never got built.

She nodded. "Lexie could have my room at the house." Whatever happened with her and Derek, she knew that her friends would always live in that house, until they chose to leave.

He nodded. "She could." Like Alex, he didn't like the idea of either girl having any further contact with Thatcher. "You'll talk to her tomorrow." She nodded, continuing talking with him until they fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
